Midsize Firms

How Consultants Can Anger Firms

Editor's Note: In our March 2000 issue, Paunov offered "Ten Easy Ways to Completely Alienate Your Technology Consultants." We invited her to flip sides and talk about how consultants can lose favor with firms.

By Catherine Pennington Paunov

NOT SATISFIED with your terrific relationship with your law firm? Never fear, here are 10 sure-fire ways you can remedy that relationship, and make the firm wish they had never heard your name:

1. Always begin by bad mouthing their previous choices. This is a sure fire way to let them know what an expert you really are. This has the additional benefit of making firm attorneys and staff feel inadequate when your opening salvo is, "What idiot chose this server [software, workstation, printer, etc.]?" With any luck, the "idiot" will be standing right next to you.

2. Take a couple of shots at the size of the firm, their staff and/or other consultants that have worked there. Having trouble dreaming up just the right insult? Here's a good one that covers all bases: "You know, if the firm was larger, you would probably have people working for you who would know what they are doing. I mean, no one I know would hire that idiot consultant, Jane Doe." (The fact that Jane has been in business for 15 years and has a client list you would kill for should not prevent you from taking a couple of potshots at her expense.) While you're at it, you might compare the firm, unfavorably, to other law firms in town with whom you have worked.

3. "Enhance" your knowledge and capabilities. Don't really understand the needs of the firm, its practice areas or how its attorneys work? No problem! Fake it. There's nothing like a little (or a lot) of credential enhancement in the consulting business. This is especially important while you are soliciting a law firm's business. If you must actually learn some new technology or system to meet the firm's needs, be sure to bill the client for your learning time. When things go wrong (as they inevitably do), blame it on the existing hardware and/or software, even if you told the client the new system was compatible. Be creative!

4. Make appointments, don't show up, or cancel at the last moment. This one especially useful for small- to medium-sized law firms where the folks you were to meet with represent the majority, or even all, of its timekeepers. Just because they have rearranged their schedules, vacations, and court appearances to accommodate you, doesn't mean you really need to show up. Everyone understands a real emergency, but a bad hair day is actually not a legitimate excuse.

5. Don't keep the firm apprised of the status of the project. However, if there is a problem and it's the firm's fault, feel free to report it verbally, in writing, and by e-mail. Service by the county sheriff may be a bit excessive, but you get the point. Don't forget to use this problem as an excuse for any delays -- related or not. It may take some creativity to explain why a one-week delay on the delivery of the printers could cause the cabling to be four weeks behind schedule, but that's why they pay you the big bucks.

6. Do work out of the scope of the project without alerting the law firm client until you send them your bill. This is an added benefit to avoiding status reports. You, the consultant, are in a much better position to know what's good for them. Just because what's good for them is going to cost them another $16,000 is beside the point. Of course, you may have some difficulty collecting your bill, but that's why there are collections attorneys out there. One additional piece of advice: if you use this irritant with any frequency, you may want to keep them on retainer.

7. Complain about the space you have been allocated. Forget about realistic here. You are the extremely important consultant and space is a sign of respect. Make them move that name partner, even if you are only there once a week. Of course, even if they have provided you with that corner office, you can still find something to grouse about. "The glare on my screen from those massive ocean front windows is a real problem."

8. Violate Attorney-Client Privilege. Be sure you mention to your gossipy brother-in-law the contents of that privileged and confidential memo you converted in the word processing system. What's the point of learning all this interesting information if you can't share it with your friends and loved ones? Admittedly, getting caught doing this may not be good for business. And those of us who are also attorneys can end up with a spot of trouble -- can you say disbarment?

9. Discourage training and increase dependence on the consultant. So you have to take some of those 2 a.m. calls because no one knows the system but you. Charge them double time! Yes, you could train the attorneys, staff and support personnel and make some immediate money, but think long-term. Avoiding training could be a key to endless income for you and your consulting firm. When the law firm asks for documentation and manuals, let them know you'll get right back to them -- in about 20 years.

10. Sit on your bills awhile. Last but not least, send your bills about 60 to 90 days after you have completed the work. Don't follow the example of one smart Philadelphia consultant who hands clients bills when she finishes that day. Let them sit for a while until the client has had a chance to notice the problems with the system (because you really didn't know what you were doing). Once you have finally sent them out, be sure they are due and payable upon receipt. Remember, you have those trusty collections attorneys on retainer -- and are you going to need them!

Attorney Catherine Pennington Paunov is the owner of Pennington Consulting of Staten Island, N.Y. and St. Petersburg, Florida.